There are things you just don’t ask over dinner. But online? Anything goes.
Women of Reddit took full advantage of this, dropping the spiciest, most awkward, and boldly honest questions they’d been dying to ask men. And with no names attached, they got unfiltered answers from those ready to spill the truth.
Check out some of the most eye-opening ones below, and don’t miss our conversation with love and relationship coach Jessica Elizabeth Opert on how women can build confidence in their dating lives.
#1
I know it’s the trend to have big lips, but do you think thin lips are attractive. Thoughts on lips with filler vs naturally thin lips.
Raspberries2: I think big lips from injections look deformed.
[deleted]: Natural is ALWAYS best. Nails. Eyelashes. Bewbs. Everything.
NinjaDi**khead: Thin or big lips are both good. I prefer thin lips rather than unnatural big lips (they just move weird, and it's very noticeable despite what your surgeon told you).
#2
If the girl makes the first move, does it turns you off or not?
actuallyanicehuman: Having a girl who owns her power is hot. Definitely sexy.
VersedFlame: If a girl made a first move on me I'd probably be stunned for the entirety of that day and only thinking about her.
#3
If married , do you find it easy to stay faithful? If single, would you give up multiple partners for one woman forever?
Fencius: Married ten years next July. It’s not hard to stay faithful, and if anything it’s gotten easier over time. My life with my wife is too important to s***w around with.
IJourden: Married, and it’s easy to stay faithful.
If someone is struggling with it there could be a lot of reasons:
the relationship is in bad shape/lacks intimacy and validation
a pathological problem, like low self esteem, narcissism, self destructive, compulsive or risk taking behavior.
not valuing the relationship or trying to wreck it
not being in the right kind of relationship dynamic, such as being monogamous when they would prefer polyamory
But yeah… If you’re honest with yourself, honest with your partner, and in a healthy relationship with good communication, being faithful to the dynamics of the relationship is not difficult.
#4
Does a girl burping, farting, snorting etc really not bother you? A lot of guys say they don't but I know some who do.
Omg_a_wee_todd: Nope, I've been with my G/F for 2 years now and every morning we cut an air biscuit and fist bump the other person. However... We have a mutual understanding no heads will be forced under the covers... She doesn't have my Reddit account so I can say this, I cannot wait to propose in March!
Update!: There were a few things that came up (hence the wait), but she said yes! Also, I should clarify it's most mornings we both fart, at least one of us, but not always both. Hope y'all find the same happiness I have.
TheeFryingDutchman: Nope. It's a sign that you are comfortable enough around me. So I always love it when a girl just let's it fly.
#5
Do you have an urge to moan during sexual activity and hold it back due to some societal bs (or some other reason) or do you just not get that urge as much as women? Stereotyping vs legitimate differences
Edit: the Vibe I'm getting from this is there's no one answer to this and every man is different. Well no duh. That's a great discovery.
But now I'm wondering how many women do it out of urge vs for the benefit of their partner. Sensing a theme here.
MrDownhillRacer: I don't get the urge to moan at all. I pretty much have to remind myself to make sounds because I've read all that "women like it when you make sounds" stuff. I don't know how believable I'm being.
Wagemage314: I was silent for many years. Wife said she wanted feedback. Turns out, Primal Growls are what I was suppressing. Deep and guttural. Bear like. She likes.
#6
I’m very self conscious of being naked with a guy for the first time, I have a very large scar in one of my breasts from when I had a lump removed like two years ago. Do guys care about that sort of thing? I am trying to make the scar look nicer but it’s hard to make it go away completely and I’m worried that it might turn some guys off, especially considering I really like having my b**bs played with or like sucked on. Sorry if TMI 😭.
NinjasVenom: I don’t. Scars tell someone’s story and how they are there and if you are scared of showing people the scar and you showed me the scar while being naked I’d feel honored that you trusted me that much with your body.
M-F-W: I dated a woman with breast reduction surgery who was really self-conscious about the scars. They weren’t particularly noticeable but could definitely tell when I was uhhh all up in her business, so to speak.
I did appreciate her letting me know that she was self conscious and she appreciated me being gentle in return. By the end of our relationship, I’d kiss the scars as foreplay and stuff (that was over the course of a couple years and was very much consensual, I wouldn’t just jump straight to scar-play lol).
TLDR: You’re good. We’re all self-conscious about something. You can tell your partner you’re self conscious ahead of time and their response will actually tell you plenty. Someone one who isn’t mindful/respectful of that isn’t worth your time, in bed or in romance.
#7
If I thought you were hot and I wanted to approach you, what would be the best way to go about it?! I like want to meet more men, but idk how to approach them.
NinjaD**khead: When I was 14, a girl passing by raised her head and said "you are very handsome". I am 40 now, and I still remember what I was wearing, how she looked like, how her friends looked like... that's how unusual it is for us.
So yeah, be straight forward, but not too blunt, because we might think it's a joke.
Come talk to us, that's all it takes.
Fulminero: We CANNOT, I repeat CANNOT get "hints".
"Hey, I think you're attractive, wanna chat?"
DizzyNerd: Unless he’s the guy who thinks he’s gods gift to women, he likely doesn’t know someone is into him. We’re naïve and society has taught us to be somehow. So many guys I know had no idea. He may be secretly hoping but is internally freaking out and doesn’t wanna s***w it up.
Say hi. Get to know him. If it’s worth it after that, say something if he doesn’t make it obvious first.
#8
How often are unwanted public boners an actual issue?
HyperWolfe: As a young teenager in school they were annoying, 99 percent of the time you aren't even turned on, like a light breeze could go past the front of your pants and it was an instant b***r, now as an adult you don't get them very often and by now you know multiple ways of hiding them. In a weird way I almost miss getting random boners
candyflip93: You learn how to deal with it by aging, so not that often anymore. It used to be really funny, taking the bus and miss your station bcz you're waiting for your stiffy ti f**k off.
JosephFDawson: There are 3 kinds of elections
some are sexual.
some occur during periods of nervous tension.
and there's mysterious 3rd kind that no one really understands. It happens when your schlong decides to take matters into its own hands. No reason b***r.
#9
Can you actually feel us clenching around the d**k?
BlademasterFlash: And it feels amazing
arothmanmusic: Depends on the girl and her kegels. I once dated a girl who could literally prevent me from pulling out if she wanted to.
jakeb71097: Yes one of my exes and I were in bed for the first time and I got her to climax and it took me by surprise the amount of power she had in that muscle
#10
How do I tell if a guy is being genuine? Sometimes I feel like men just tell me what I want to hear in order to sleep with me and will fake literally everything including the stuff they like. I need help with figuring out what their intentions are especially if they are not being honest.
[deleted]: My suggestion is to first ask them about what things they like. Not only are you learning about their interests as I hope they are learning yours, but you are also learning how they emote when talking about something they have real feelings about.
Ditto for asking about things they dislike or hate.
I'm an autistic male and gauging genuine-ness is hard for me. And what I learn about one person never seems to translate into a general skill I can apply to others.
I've learned to deliberately invoke something I know they will be genuine about first and then compare subsequent interactions to that.
McRibEater: Watch out for guys who say all the right things. The biggest players I know are also the ones who really put it on early. Most guys who really like you are nervous to start off like you are.
RavenousIron: I'm gonna keep it a buck with you. If you are meeting most guys on dating apps, 90% of them are strictly looking to get laid. They will tell you every trick in the book to get this done, and yes that means playing the genuine card. I'd suggest being up front with guys that you meet and telling them that you are looking for something more serious. That is usually a good way to see if they just want a quick f**k or actually want to put in the work.
#11
Do guys really care if a chick’s lowers are groomed/waxed? Or do you not care?
MacKelvey: I like some grooming. She doesn’t have to be completely bare but trimmed and maintained is always nice.
[deleted]: I prefer if it is, but can't reasonably demand it. Definitely appreciated though.
Peelfest2016: I keep my business pretty trimmed up. I’d appreciate the same. I don’t need fully shaved, but trimming is very appreciated. When my gf asked me why I even care what length it’s at if it doesn’t get completely smooth anyway, I told her “you know how you make me trim my mustache because if it gets too long the hairs go up your nose when we kiss? That’s why.”
[deleted]: A definite plus and turn on. The hair gets wet, sticky, rubs and pull.
#12
If you can’t finish, is it our fault?
manateewallpaper: only if you start asking mood killer questions like that right in the middle of the act.
bloodguzzlingbunny: Nope, not ever. I have been on antidepressants before that made it very difficult to orgasm. Honestly, when I am really into the person, I am just happy to be there. Not reaching the top of the hill isn't nearly as important as being with who I am traveling with.
#13
I'm a very pale woman but my b*tt and v*lva area are pretty dark.
Even the line for my b**tcrack is dark.
Is this gross to you guys? LOL.
maybehun: This is very very normal by the way. It’s from hormones. Most people have darker genitalia.
ProsperoFinch: As long as the skin is clean, and there are no abnormal smells, we don’t care. If you’re doing stuff with us, we are happy to be there. We are so happy to be there with you, to see you naked, to feel your skin against ours, to experience pleasure with you.
Anyone who is grossed out by your unique traits isn’t someone you want to be with anyway, so if they ditch you or dump you over it, then they’ve filtered themselves out for you. Those kinds of people are f**kheads who don’t deserve to get f**ked in the fun way.
#14
Do you guys REALLY enjoy going down on us, or do you just deal?
Ilmioaccount18piu: Do you really enjoy having a d**k in your mouth? It depends of course, but if the person giving or*l is enjoying it, the person who receives it will clearly notice.
arothmanmusic: Yes, absolutely. It’s one of my most favorite things in the world.
#15
Is the s*x different with a girl you don’t want to see again and a girl you do? Is the intimacy different, the lead up etc?
RandeKnight: Just making out with someone I love is better than monkey s*x with a stranger.
MacKelvey: Yes. I’m much more bold with a woman I know I’ll never see again.
#16
For my first time, this guy after we had done the deed; 1.Didn’t clean up his mess 2.Started pointing out my flaws “Your chest has a lot of acne, your veins are oddly blue, your knees look weird”. Is this normal? I personally was offended and that made my first time horrible.
ProsperoFinch: Dude was a massive a**hole, and I’m sorry your first time was a negative experience. You deserve better. Hopefully your future experiences will be much more loving and uplifting.
ChunksMcGoo: Sounds like they're either really insecure about themselves and that's them coping with it orrr they're an a**hole.
#17
I have a very ethnic background and while that means people may find me especially unique/attractive it does mean that I’m “hairy” nothing too crazy
but I grow a few hairs around my nipples- overall I have a nice chest but there is a bit of scarring from plucking/hair removal (I have ocd ha) …is that a turn off? I’m working on healing and keeping things moisturized 😭.
packersfan823: If your partner finds a couple small scars or a couple hairs revolting, the problem isn't with you, the problem is with your partner. I'm just happy to see b**bs.
#18
Does eye contact actually make a difference when we're giving h*ad?
conquer69: Yes... until I remember I look like a thumb from that angle.
PatchTheLurker: There's a chance that this is just for me, but, eye contact during ANYTHING is sexy. Eye contact while I'm inside? (in any way, really) Fast pass to c*m town. Eye contact while you sexy talk and all clothes still on? Fast pass to c*m town. Eye contact when she tells me "you're REALLY good at Mario kart and I hate it"? You guessed it baby, c*m town.
#19
Where do you put your b*lls when you ride a bike?
AdamBomb_RB: I ride a bike daily at school and I've never once thought about that, lol.
But for a more detailed answer, they don't really "get in the way" 'cause our, uh, genitals are, like, more forward/higher up than womens', so when we sit down our b*lls are, like, between our legs, and on a bike, or any seat for that matter, the actual part making contact with the seat is just your a**.
candyflip93: Not kidding, I don't even know how I manage that, like when I really want to find out and do it manually, it doesn't work and hurts a lot. The only way is to just do it and leave the rest to your b*lls memory.
#20
Are you looking at my b***hole when you do it from behind?
dnaoriginal: If lights are on, yes, if lights are off, yes.
NotBearhound: Focusing on the whole, not the hole.
Idaho_In_Uranus: I can see it, but I’m not necessarily looking at it. I’m more focused on the jiggle of the buns and my stroke point. The b***hole is just kinda in the periphery.
#21
Do y’all get post n*t clarity work after you’ve had s*x with someone you love?
in-a-microbus: Absolutely! It's just a clarity about different things. Instead of "I've made a mistake, I regret this decision" it's more "don't forget to put three garbage bins out".
SatinWalrus: It comes and it goes, but it never stays long enough.
#22
How do we know if you like us, romantically?
RogueAlt07: We like to hang around you, actively make the choice to pursue your company, smile and look at you in groups and generally get along very well and usually they’re into you.
[deleted]: You want to know the actual secret? They will mirror you. If you smile at them they will do the same back to you. Men are very sensitive and are really in tune with the one they like, so they will be very reactive to them. Even when they try to hide it. So do let them know because they are thick as bricks and will spite their own feelings.
#23
Do you prefer boxers or briefs?
Foxsayy: The only true answers.
Briefs are way too tight and uncomfortable. Boxers are way too lose and they feel like wearing a pair of unruly shorts under your pants.
Boxer briefs are the goldilocks of underwear.
#24
Do you judge a woman by the s*x on the first time or do you assume it will get better with comfort?
ChunksMcGoo: It's always kinda awkward the first time but if I'm interested in you, I will definitely try it as many times as it takes.
neoshadowdgm: The only thing I would judge someone for on the first time is a lack of willingness to put effort into pleasing me. Like the kind of women who expect to receive oral and refuse to give it. Other than that, I expect it to be awkward but amazing anyway. The cool thing about s*x is that you get better at it the more you practice with a new partner. We’ll learn each other’s preferences over time and it will keep getting better. The first time is mostly just “holy s**t, we’re actually having s*x!”
#25
Do your b*lls really move depending on the weather, if so, does it feel weird?
ChunksMcGoo: It's temperature dependent and sometimes it can feel weird like if you go from warm house to cold outside or jump into a cold pool in the summer.
The_WandererHFY: Passive system, it just does its thing. The boys gotta stay climate controlled.
The reason for that is that sp*rm need a certain temp range, and core body temp is too high. Gotta keep them sh**s air-cooled, but if it's cold then they stay closer to the core body so they don't f**kin freeze.
#26
How do you feel about s*x during period?
McRibEater: Turn off the lights, throw down a towel and get to work. One of the reason I enjoy doing it during this time is Women seem super turned on during their period.
JBounce369: I'm definitely an outlier here but I could never. Any blood, and especially not my own, makes me nauseous.
#27
When a b*ner happens, does your p*nis slowly come up, or does it shoot up straight away?
[deleted]: Depends... if you notice it sliding up your pants then it'd typically slow, but if your girl is standing in front of you saying she's ready..... kinda just happens and you won't notice
cheetosysst: Usually slow, it's blood we're talking about, not a freaking star wars light saber
#28
What does it feel like walking with your dong between your legs ? Or how does that work...
[deleted]: You don't really notice it, but at the same time you know *somethings* there.
GrazYetti: It’s the same as your nose being within your vision. You get so used to your nose being in your peripherals that you don’t see it anymore. Same with your manhood, it’s there and flopping around but, you’re so used to it that you don’t notice it anymore.
kamakazi339: It literally ceases to be a thought unless you
A. Get it stuck to your leg (d**k/b*lls) B. Get a b*ner.
#29
How do you manage to move it without using your hands? I've seen a couple of guys do it and was absolutely speechless/impressed. They just said, "I don't know how, I just can". I want to know HOW.
vendetta0311: Same muscle that stops the pee stream, women have it too.
RogueAlt07: There’s the muscle I think in the glutes that pulls it, it’s primary purpose is to pull the glutes up but a side movement is the phallus moving. Don’t quote me, I’m not a medical professional so I may be wrong but that’s my best guest for how we do it.
#30
What do 'blue b*lls' feel like?
IJourden: It’s kind of a dull ache with moments of sharper pain or discomfort, and if it starts to radiate it can start to feel like stomach cramps.
I would like to note however that you should never let a guy use “blue b*lls” to pressure you into s*x. If it’s really bothering him, I assure you, he is capable of taking care of it on his own. A guy putting the pressure on like that is probably a sign to eject the whole man.
[deleted]: You know, I’m 40 and I’ve never experienced this. I’ve been in plenty of situations that I feel it would have happened, by the scenarios I’ve heard described. Total mystery to me, these blue b*lls.
#31
How many times can a man c*m during s*x? I know some guys are one and done, others can go for a round 2 after a break. But I was recently with a guy who claimed he came 4 times. I didn’t know that was possible for a man to do.
MCXI-1111: I once did a 6 rounder where we basically laid in bed all day for about 4 hours and just went for it.
By the end I was c*mming, but nothing was coming out…it actually got a little weird because she thought I faked it and I’m like “no, I’m drained”.
Then we went and got food and drinks. It ended a couple weeks later but was one hell of an afternoon.
eastbayweird: It's called the refractory period.
I can't speak for other men, but for me, immediately after finishing I'm so sensitive that any further stimulation is very painful. I need at least 10-15 minutes until I'm ready to try again fortunately that's about how long it takes for my tongue to start getting sore, so it usually works out. And if I'm still not ready I have no issues with her bringing out a toy until I'm ready to try again. I know a lot of guys get seriously offended any time toys come out but honestly i couldn't care less. Whatever helps her get there is fine by me.
#32
Why do you find b**bs appealing??
Lord_Metagross: Life cold. Life hard.
b**bs warm. b**bs soft.
UltraLollipop: There is just something about not having them and how the human body doesn’t have strait lines or perfect angles but b**bs just seem so round and soft. And they add a nice curve to the body. Also many men are so curious about them and back to the thing about not having them.
#33
How come some guys don’t like to kiss/make out?
MASTER_L1NK: They probably were made self conscious about it. I'm not that guy but an ex way back when made a comment on my French kissing that made me not want to do it til recently with my current gf. She loves it and she likes the way I do it. So I like it again.
wegsleepregeling: I only don't want to if our kissing styles aren't compatible. I have totally lost interest in a partner, over time, who didn't kiss in any ways that I found satisfying. I fell quickly in love the woman who kissed me absolutely perfectly, and was clearly getting off on it. (Not the only reason I fell in love but that lit the fire to quickly go all in with her. I'm also still hopelessly in love with her, to this day.
The ultimate advice IMO: kiss the way you authentically like it, go all in, rather than the way you think he wants it.
#34
Does it feel good when a girl grinds? Bc it feels hella good for me but I don't think it does much for guys so I don't do it much but I don't want to quit.
MrDownhillRacer: It doesn't do much for me, but that's a good thing. Moves that aren't as stimulating for the man are our opportunity to back away from the edge so that we don't end up finishing too early.
salimeero: Also, I think i can speak for most men when i say, sometimes it's also nice to change pace and see her enjoy herself.
#35
My boyfriend claims that my guy friends have thought about what it would be like to have s*x with me. That’s not true right?
LoginForMyP*rn: Most of them have, probably.
But bear in mind that it doesn't mean they WANT to have s*x with you. It's just a thing we think about sometimes.
And even if they do want to have s*x with you they might not choose to. Part of growing up as a man is learning that you don't have to stick your d**k into every person you find attractive.
Sick_Sabbat: Difficult truths about both genders. Most of us within the first 10 to 20 seconds of meeting you will have made the decision in our heads if we would have s*x with you or wouldn't. If the answer to this was yes. Then absolutely we have thought about it. Will we try it? Not always. Everyone you know that is attracted to your gender identity has thought about s*x with you at least once. Not necessarily a full on fantasy but the question of "Would I?"
#36
How often do you m*sturbate as you get older?
BrilliantWeight: I'm married and it's about once every 3 days or so on average. Mostly when I'm bored at home by myself when my wife is at work.
[deleted]: Every other day sometimes, twice a day other times. I think it’s kinda seasonal. Late 30s.
#37
With all of these s*x questions being flung about; does intense focus on career or hobbies negatively affect your s*x drive?
hkystar35: 100%. And with traditional stereotypes for gender roles, it just adds to the pressure of the guy being the one to initiate. It's anxiety inducing to weigh "I'm f**king exhausted" with "I'm going be more exhausted f**king" and how that affects the relationship.
[deleted]: No. For me there's always time for s*x. It improves my mood and makes it easier for me to focus. Not to mention intimacy is important in ones life.
#38
Do you actually like it when a girl is inexperienced, or do you guys just say that?
f**kallthistodeath: Think it just takes the pressure of when you know you’re the more experienced one.
BrilliantWeight: I've had both in my life. My wife was experienced when we met, and I LOVE having s*x with her, significantly because she is good at it. The fact that her experience comes from practice with people who are not me doesn't bother me at all. I know who she's banging these days, and that's all that matters to me.
That being said, my girlfriend and I losing our virginities to each other when we were teenagers was pretty special. Neither of us had much of an idea of what to do other than "this goes here", but we were in full-blown teenage love, and I'm thankful I got to do that with her specifically.
#39
How often do you actually sit on your b*lls and is it painful?
Knotical_MK6: Most underwear don't really allow your balls to fall down in a position where you could sit on them.
DontTrustMeImAllSh-t: Maybe a couple times a year. The pain feels like stubbing your toe but the peak lasts longer and it travels up your spine
#40
It’s a common claim that men are less attracted to older women. If this is true for some, Is it the way she actually looks physically or the perception that she might have far less of a libido?
McRibEater: I’m into older Women big time, depends on the Guy.
[deleted]: It’s probably generally true, people don’t get hotter as they get older (on average)! but by no means is that something that is a hard and fast rule. If you’re a 10 you’re a 10. Everyone gets a little fatter and a little wrinklier in their old age but it’s not like if you’re hot at 25 you’ll be a troll as soon as you turn .
0 Comments